Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
