im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
