You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
