im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
