Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
