Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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