so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
