At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
