She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
