My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sobbing to NWA
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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