we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
