what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
