Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
