pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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