Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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