I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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