The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
