i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
