Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
