I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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