Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
