we have pet lesbian snakes
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
you never un-have a 4some
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