matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
