my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
