Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
