so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
