Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
