Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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