I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
