She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
