woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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