Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
