gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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