The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
