just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
