He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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