we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
