someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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