I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
