I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
