In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
