I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
