I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
