I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
