We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
