Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
