I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
