I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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