There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
