On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I came so hard my ears popped.
dude. I can hear the air.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
