i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
