Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
