is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
