I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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